Thursday, September 9, 2010

Essay

My essay is about my daughter,Hannah. She is the most important person in my life.  She has shown me how to be compassionate to other people and show patience when it is needed.  She has more strength than I can express with words.  She is brave and kind and caring.  She is nine and half. Everyday is filled with new feelings and smells and sights.  She is full of wonderment.  She is surprised when the dog barks for food, yet the dog does this everyday.  She never gets tired of running on the beach with dog, or swimming at the gym, where the chlorine is so strong it almost burns.  She is mad when its time to go to bed and happy when she wakes up.  She is nine and half.  She can do flips and hand springs across the room and will if you let her.  She is honest, even when she gets into trouble.  She is in the fourth grade and somehow on some days she knows everything.  But like I said she is nine and a half.  She has taught me that I need to choose my words carefully, because she has a near  perfect memory and can recite them at will.  And that I need to watch what I eat because Mom said to.  She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Hannah is an only child who is doted for , hand and foot.  She has no wants that aren't filled and no needs unmet.  One of my main reasons for going back to school is to show my daughter the importance of an education.  My parents never had the time or energy to do anything above or beyond the bare minimum parenting.  I regret not going to school earlier, a regret that my daughter will never have to feel.  Hannah loves to go to school and she is enrolled in sports.  She has done many over the years.  I am proud to be in her life and to help her flourish as an active kid.  My parents were never there to take care of the little things, like make sure I did my homework or sign me up for sports or any extracurricular activities at all. So as soon as some became available I enrolled Hannah into Gymnastics.  Over the years she has been involved in Tee Ball and Soccer and Swim Team as well as Tae kwon do.  I know that I am over compensating for the lack of activities I had as  a child, but I want her to have all of the things I did not. So when I get home from working a twelve hour day Hannah is there with a smile and a kind word.  That is what keeps me going, going to work , going to school, to church and on.  She is my motivation. She will have all the opportunities  that I didn't have.  She will strive in school  and at life.  And if she doesn't, I will be there to help.

7 comments:

  1. Hi Benjamin,
    First I just want to say what a beautiful daughter you have. Your essay was easy to follow but at times it felt repetive. Overall very good and I loved reading about your daughter.

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  2. Hi Benjamin,
    Your daughter is beautiful. She is a very lucky young lady to have such an awesome dad who loves her so much and wants the best for her. I do know what you mean when you say your parents were not involved in your education the way that we are with our children. My parents were the same way. It was up to me. I love all the wonderful words you say about your daughter. What are some examples in how she showed her strength? When you mentioned that she is nine and a half more than once, was this what you wanted? Great essay? Barb

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  3. Hi Benjamin,
    You're daughter is a very beautiful girl and you did a great job on your essay! One of the things that I liked about your essay is that it has a lot of evidence to support your thesis. One thing I noticed though, is it seems kind of unorganized when you talk about some things, like sports. It may seem like that to me because it's not broken into paragraphs (so it's kind of hard for me to follow), paired with the repetition like Nikki said, but maybe that how you planned on getting your point across. Besides that, great essay and congratulations on your daughter's achievements.

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  4. You have had a lot more to say about one person then I ever had. Great essay, and I liked the pattern with the word she in every sentence it gave it a style. I think that your thesis statement was about going to school to set an example that was good too

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  5. Wow yousound like a great father, i can really relate to how your parents were with you. My parents didnt bother or take time of the day to make sure our homeowrk was done, or even try to sign us upfor sports. Its great that your showing your daughter a bettter life than you've had and your also growing from your past. I dont have kids but im pretty sure ill be able to be a great mother to.
    Myra A

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  6. Hi Benjamin,
    First i would like to say this was a great essay and you have a beautiful daughter. I like how you did the repetitive of stating how old your daughter was it kept reminding me that even she is so young she has done a lot with her life so far. I can also relate with you about how your parents were because mine are the same. I can see how much you love your daughter and that's very important. Thank you for sharing!

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  7. Hi Benjamin,

    first i have to say your daughter is very lucky, and so are you to have suck a beautiful daughter. I am in the same situation you were in in regards to your education. my parents don't help me with any of my education they never really have, i've grown to except it over the years but it still doesn't make it easy. i liked your essay and like the content and the focus is good. but it seems to lack in structure it would help to divide up certain parts of it to form paragraphs. this way you will be able to focus on certain aspects of your story in each paragraph. thanks for sharing.

    Cody Shibukawa.

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